Weekend Feature: How to make a voodoo doll…
This was written as a joke for someone I used to chat with on an online forum. I enjoyed writing it up, as I enjoy writing satire. It goes without saying, that you can't actually make a voudou poppet by following these instructions; and if you do, you deserve everything bad that happens to you.
**disclaimer: even following these instructions perfectly doesn’t imply that it will work. I am in no way responsible for your lack of mojo… take it up with your local Santeros, and if she doesn’t smack you, I will :p **
Use at your own Risk!!
- Decide which person you really really want to get vengeance on. This might take some time, so feel free to make a list, narrowing it down to the one bastard who deserves pain and tormrnt.
- You’ll need the following ingredients:
- cotton cloth, about 1 sqaure foot
- cotton stuffing
- some sort of herb, I recommend wolf-bane, but I don’t use it, it irritates me *grin*
- cotton thread
- hair, fingernail clippings or clothing of the person you’re going to hex
- hat pins (as many as necessary, you can get them at most department stores, or use loooong stick pins)
- Cut out a “poppet”, use your hand as a guide if you need to. Make sure you give the poppet a head, two arms and two legs. Turn it inside out, and sew the edges closed, leaving about 1 inch gap along the side.
- Turn it right-side out, and begin stuffing it with the cotton batting and herb. Put your hair &ct in with the cotton, and your herbs. When you’ve got it nice and full, tuck the ends in and sew it closed.
- Dressing your poppet is easy, you can paint the clothes on, use scraps of the ‘evil ones’ clothes to fashion them, or leave the poppet naked… the choice is yours.
- If you wish, you can glue the face of your ended evil one on the poppet’s head. Just cut out a photo graph to the right size, and use Elmer’s. If you do this, let it dry over night.
- Now you have your poppet… and it should look something like the enteded victim, I mean, the perpetrator of your misery. Concentrate on that rat-bastard, and imagine all that pouring into the doll, making this doll part of that nasty asshat.
- Stick with pins at will.
There you go, voodoo dolls in less than 10 steps :D
Don’t blame me, if you all start suffering strange maladies like painful legs, and impotence… that’s not my fault…