Super Tuesday flops...

OK, so I did not vote in the Primary last week, down here. Why? Well, we have closed primaries, and it was the Republican one. I'm a registered member of the Democratic Party, so I'll get my ballot in the mail in August, I believe.

It'll come about ten days, or two weeks before the date, as I get them in the mail. Hooray for Arizona's absentee laws! I am on the roll to permanently get my ballot early, it's kinda nice that way. I can toss it back in the mail, or take it to my polling place on the day of; either way, I voted. I even get a cute little "I Voted Early" sticker in the packed with my affidavit.

Four years ago, on my not defunct other blog I wrote about Super Tuesday in a slightly hysterical, over the top fashion. I called it "Super-Duper, I can't believe it's not Butter- Tuesday!" I remember the chuckles I got from people, and the ones I gave myself, as I echoed the hysterical tone of the media. The world was ending! OMFG It's Tuesday! People are Voting! Holy Shit Stop The World! We Need To Get Off!

It was ridiculous. Funny, but ridiculous.

And frankly, not much really has changed since then.

Oh, we have an incumbent President, and only one third of the Senate is up for re-election. But again, all of the House, some Governors, many state and local leaders are running. With the census we had re-districting, and some reps will lose their seats to those newly redrawn lines (Hello Michele Bachmann, for one). Of course, they'll just run for another seat, or fight tooth and nail to get the district theirs was folded in to. The First Rule Of Politics is, of course: Get Into Power. They're following the second one: Do everything you can to Stay In Power.

That's why Speaker Bonehead --I mean Boehner-- is hanging on by a thread but so loudly proclaiming his agenda, even though he is so absolutely, incredibly inept. He's doing what he can to stay in power. If the GOP keeps the House, though, I'm thinking current Majority Leader Eric Cantor will lobby, run, whatever, to take his place. You can always see the daggers sticking out of Boehner's back. (I know you've seen him, Cantor is that asshole from VA, with dark hair and glasses, who looks sorta like a super-villain-- r at least it looks like he's attempting that "Vincent Price, urbane, witty bad guy"-- and failing. I always expect him to wring his hands and burst into refrains of Muwahahahahahaha)

This year, though, the GOP nominations are becoming eternally long. Super Tuesday should have been definitive, but it wasn't. Why? Well, because Rick Santorum, that's why. Senator Frothy is determined he's going to win the Presidency... I guess his god told him, right after excusing his wife for living in sin with an OB who did abortions before they got married, and for stealing about a hundred thousand dollars from a school district in PA (they were living in VA, but claimed their other house in Pennsylvania for residency because they liked the charter school/Internet school dope deal they could get, better. The PA school district would pay for the kids' Internet/charter/private school. VoilĂ ! Little Ricky and his lovely wife didn't pay a dime for their kids' schooling, not even taxes. Your small government champion of religious rights at work!)

I honestly have no idea what's going through Frothy's head, and am afraid to find out. That man infuriates and terrifies me by turns. I know what the US would look like if he were elected, and how the country would tear itself apart... that's the infuriating part. The scary part? Well, that's the part of me that knows he's got a decent slice of evangelical voters (thought to be roughly 13% of the population total, I think it was) willing to overlook his heathen Catholicism and general lack of Jesus-saved-ness, and vote for him, because he's' just as crazy as they are! [Such a shame he's going to hell, though, they cluck to themselves. Maybe he's really saved, but just goes to church out of habit? We should really pray that Jesus helps him get out of bondage to the Catholic Church.-- Nope, not joking, that's the sort of shit they're saying behind their fans, and out of the corners of their mouths. Isn't Christian charity awesome?!]

Poor Flip-Flop Romney. You know, they're not rich... says his wife Ann, HuffPo reported yesterday. She doesn't even consider having $240mlln bucks in the bank to be rich. They're "poor in spirit"... riiiiiiight. And I'm the Emperor of Ice Cream! You know what, I probably am the Emperor of Ice Cream, at least my head's on straight and I don't pretend to be "one of the poor people"... I am a fucking poor people! They probably don't understand that poem anyway... think it's about actual Emperors, not a wake... oh well.

Anyway, Romney's real problem is Romney. He's very plastic, like an action figure... I'm surprised he has children, to be honest with you-- he sorta strikes me as an overly flamboyant gay man acting the way he thinks a straight guy would act: wooden, without inflection, no real personality; stuff it down, laminate it, make it bland, and acceptable, and more like oatmeal than frosted flakes! Maybe it's just the Mormon in him... a lot of Mormons, [bless their hearts!] dont' have much in the way of personality. I think their religion beats it out of them. That whole "fake it til you make it", "if you're not happy then you're out of God's will" thing has got to lay heavy on them.

Being happy in your philosophy doesn't always mean you're overflowing with happiness... it means you're inner heart is peaceful.

But the Mormons do like the other Fundies. If you're not smiling, you're sinful, and need to "get right with God". That's why no christian ever suffers from depression, you know, or OCD or any anxiety disorders. They're all OK with God... or something.

Anyway, Romney-bot isn't much better for the GOP. I honestly wonder if the Powers that Be in that party (Karl Rove, the Koch bros., Murdoch, and I don't know who all else) got together and said, "throw the whole bag at them, sacrifice everyone, we're not winning this election. Then, in 2016 we start fresh with all new guys!" That would explain how Michele Bachmann and her crazy-eyes got into the Primary in the first place; same with Herman Cain, and his over the top minstrel show; (his behaviour was, to put it lightly, humiliating to every single African-American in the country, and most of us white people too! I was shocked almost into a stupor by his antics, and utterly embarrassed by them. To act like a buffoon to make yourself acceptable to the racists in the Tea Party is to make light of, mock and ignore all the sacrifices made to ensure equality persons of colour-- a fight that is still going on, mind you. Equality isn't for everyone? Then it's not equality. Better stop now before I go off on this tangent.)

Of course, there are those who believe with their whole naive hearts that Ayn Rand is right, and Ron Paul is the messiah... So I'm being cruel and evil, and deluded and a sheep by not discussing his grand master plan to take us back to the isolationism of the early 1900's! Oh, wait, that's not right, he's going to save us from ourselves, and legalise pot, and prostitution, and end all wars, and feed the hungry, and find a cure for AIDS, and Cancer and the lion will lay down with the lamb, and we'll all sing campfire songs and be happy.

No, wait, that's not right, either. He's going to.... what, exactly?! Can anyone give me a concrete plan? I'll wait.

No one? Nothing?

Yeah, just the same shit as last time. He's a blow hard, and out to make cold, hard cash. He's no leader, can't even get bills he's written passed, and has no real plan for anything. If he did, he wouldn't also be standing for his seat in the House... because he'd believe he had a chance.

I think he's the new Ross Perot.

I don't anything nice to say about Gingrich, except that I like newts, they're really nifty little beasties, so it bothers me that this cretin has stolen their name. I'm sorry, Cretins, I just insulted you, inadvertently! I can't call him a barbarian because take a good look at his wife... she is not a barbarian-- she's a Real Doll (tm) and barbarians can't afford those. I can't call him a moron, fool or imbecile, because look at his head, it's so big, and round, and overly inflated, that it looks like he has hydrocephalitis (that's water on the brain), and if that's the case, he's probably brain damaged and it's not nice to make fun of people with brain damage. Yeah, his arrogance is astonishing to anyone who hasn't been watching politics as long as I have. I'm just surprised he hasn't folded in on himself in a singularity of arrogance-turned-black-holeness. It's be kinda cool if that did happen though! His self-satisfaction levels grew so great that gravity couldn't hold him together any more. It would have to happen during a debate, on live television. I wonder how the insurance would handle that one! Poor Callista, she wouldn't have her Tiffany any more...Please excuse me while I laugh manically at that mental picture.

Oh wow, I've meandered this morning. My whole point was that this Super Tuesday was far from super. It didn't make anything definite, except more primaries. Santorum won't step down, he's about one percentage point behind Romney, and so therefore officially a front-runner; Gingrich won't step down, his ego is too big; Paul, well, he's in it for the money, and so has to milk that thing for all it's worth.

I'm postulating, in public. My prediction is that Romney will get the GOP nod. Only because he's too bland to be considered bat-shit crazy. Where Romney is like khaki pants: boring, colourless, matches just about everything, Santorum is more like your bright orange skinny jeans: you can't really wear them out much, because they're fucking orange and do you really want to be out there looking like that!?! I mean, shit! (That and no one in their right mind should wear skinny jeans if they're over the age of 10).

I'll write more about this process later. I do love politics, and find primaries, elections and all that back-stabbing endlessly fascinating. But for now, suffice it to say, I'm not voting for any of those ass holes. I may be a Socialist, and his policies may not have gone far enough, but I will be voting for the incumbent President. Holy shit, I just endorsed someone publicly. I never do that!

Let me leave you with a poem, the one I referenced earlier. I always liked this one for it's "seize the day, because everyone dies!" motif. Besides, I love the sound of the phrase: "The only emperor is the emperor of ice-cream".

The Emperor of Ice-Cream  
by Wallace Stevens  
Call the roller of big cigars,
The muscular one, and bid him whip
In kitchen cups concupiscent curds.
Let the wenches dawdle in such dress
As they are used to wear, and let the boys
Bring flowers in last month's newspapers.
Let be be finale of seem.
The only emperor is the emperor of ice-cream.

Take from the dresser of deal,
Lacking the three glass knobs, that sheet
On which she embroidered fantails once
And spread it so as to cover her face.
If her horny feet protrude, they come
To show how cold she is, and dumb.
Let the lamp affix its beam.
The only emperor is the emperor of ice-cream.


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