Personal Evolution

If you know me, you know my motto/personal life-sentence:
Evolve, change, learn! If you stop evolving, changing, learning, you stagnate. If you stagnate, you die.

I've been thinking about this motto for a long time, as I've refined, it and truly realised that it is my way of life. Sometimes I think mottoes don't come through a pithy phrase you hear, but through a life you live. For me, this has been the case.

I've always been curious, and always wanted to know absolutely everything about everything! If it's relevant to my life, I want to know how it works, and why it works that way. This one fact about me, is a huge part of why I left the religion of my childhood, explored other philosophies and why I'm an Atheist today. I've looked for the answers in the nooks and crannies of life, in science and in the world around me, in the minds of people I admire, in words and poems, in history and in every other place I could.

I've learned how to knit and crochet-- and learned that I really don't like it.
I've learned how to make a wicked good roux, and use that knowledge to make some fan-fucking-tastic macaroni and cheese!
I've learned how to read Old and Middle English, and use that to read Chaucer and other ancient books, in their original.
I've learned how to advocate for myself-- and used that when I've had difficulties at work, or when dealing with medical professionals.
I've learned how to advocate for my loved ones-- and used that knowledge time and again, to help them as they need it.
I've learned how to read legal-ese, and so can "translate" contracts and such into regular English for my friends and family when they're deciphering insurance and other stuff.
I've learned how to give medications to cats-- which is a lot harder than it sounds!
I've learned that I love avocado, but still hate kale and quinoa.

I've learned how to ask questions, and to never be ashamed of myself if I have to tell someone, "I don't know."

I've learned how to love with my entire being-- even at the risk of not being loved back that hard.
I've learned to leap when I want to tip-toe, and have experienced some of the most fun in my life this way!

I've learned that being honest is hard... but that I still prefer to be honest, as I want others to be honest with me.

I've also evolved. I don't see the world in black and white, but in shades of grey. I have changed my mind on things, political, religious, social and more. I've had to go back and say, "I changed my mind, and here's why", and had to be brave enough to own the ignorance I had, and hope that my knowledge and changed mind help make up for my ignorance.

Evolution isn't easy, it's really hard! Whether it's on a macro-scale, or in one's own personal life, evolution means trimming off the bad, the unworkable, the leftover bull shit from the past, and nurturing the new, the good, the present and future. It means constantly reassessing yourself, and making sure you're not stuck, not settling, not closing your eyes to the flaws, the evolutionary dead-ends, that could prevent you from making a good change and growing as a person.

That's not to say I don't retain atavistic traits-- all humans do. From my tail bone, to my hiccups, I have plenty of things in my body that needed to fall out of my DNA, but haven't. I have plenty of things in my emotional and mental life that need to fall out of that DNA, too. I'm still working to love myself, every day. I'm still trying to protect my self-esteem, and celebrate the little victories, the days I love and accept myself, just the way I am. I still have days when I hear the negativity so much louder than the positive, but I'm working at it, constantly trimming those down, cutting them off, protecting the good growth, and strangling the bad.

So, I'm evolving.
I'll be 40 in a handful of months. Nearly four decades I've lived, learned and grown.
This year will be no different. I'm still growing, still living, and still learning!
And I can't wait to see what I'll learn next!


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