Bad B Movie Review, Part 1

I love bad B movies. You know the kind, the Mystery Science Theatre 3 000 kind; the Elvira, Mistress of the Dark kind. I love them! This often surprises people; I'm not sure why, really. I have a very dry sense of humour, gallows-type, British-dry, but I love cheesy flicks. I love that they don't take themselves seriously, that they're over the top and often the actors are so earnest! It's wonderful. I have a huge soft spot for indie-films, documentaries and foreign films, too.

I've watched them with my Dad, growing up, and as an adult, and we snicker our way through the plots (often more hole than plot). Some of the stories would be good, if they were done with more than 400 bucks for film, and a 50 dollar catering budget. Some of them will never make good stories, and are only there for MST3K and mockery.

My Love never did watch them, like I do, until I instituted bad movie night-- which falls randomly whenever I feel like tits, blood and tomatoes-- or whatever the movie happens to be about. My favourite movie, however-- in the interest of full disclosure, is The Boondock Saints. I won't be reviewing that one here. It's indie, but not B.

Lucky for you! I'm going to bring you in on the Movie Night/Blog! Today, I'm going to recommend some very bad movies, and tell you why I loved them. I'll include links to the Internet Movie Data Base for you, if you're curious, and a rating, out of 5 “stars”. You can watch these on Netflix, instant, as well.

I watched this one as a kid, and laughed like a maniac, it's so bad. I have coulrophobia, (that'd be the phobia of clowns) so I tend to avoid anything even slightly clown-related. This movie didn't set me off, though. I think it was the badly painted grins and sharp teeth-- you knew they were bad, they weren't pretending to be nice like your circus clowns.
It's your basic, alien-invasion film; but with weird clowns instead of little green men. Add in cotton candy guns that cocoon the humans and popcorn grenades! Includes the necessary shower scene that was a must in the 80's, and heroic teens, because everyone knows teens were the only people in the 1980's who could save the world besides grizzled Army Generals.

This movie knew it was a B horror flick, never tried to be anything except cheesy, and I love that about it. The great news, is that they're supposed to be making a new one! Woohoo!

4 out of 5

Run, Bitch! Run! (2009), UR 

OK, we watched this one, because it was a recommendation, spinning off the old exploitation films from the 70's. If you've never seen one, they tended to be full of naked women, running about in forests or creepy houses, being stalked (often raped) and killed. I admit freely, I was curious how a 2009 movie would reboot such a niche film.
Yes, there are naked women in this one; a bad lesbian-rape scene complete with your stereotypical psycho woman. There are also a couple hetero-rape scenes; they aren't as graphic as you see on today's movies, otherwise I wouldn't have finished the movie.

I enjoyed the film, because it was faithful to the exploitation films; it was beautifully done, a period piece-- not something you usually see about the 1970's, I might add. The story made me angry with the protagonist, and I cheered for her.

3 out of 5 (because it was very slow at the beginning, making it hard to stay interested)

Pervert! (2005) UR

There isn't a whole lot I can tell you about this movie without giving away the razor thin plot! Lemme see here, I can say, Titties! Boobs! Naked chics! Sexy-time montage! Tits! And More Tits! Oh, and a voudou priest.

The best way I'd describe this to someone, as a recommendation would be: “Look, there's a lot of boobs and a couple weirdly erotic murders. But it's hilarious, and so watch it!” This movie has a porn sta-- I mean adult film star in it, you can't expect serious.

3 out of 5 (because the end was really predictable, at least for me)

ThanksKilling (2009) NR 

Ok, take your teen-agers, throw in some badly scripted sex scenes, everything you know about a horror movie, and a killer turkey-- and you have this movie. Any movie with “Gobble Gobble Motherf#%@ker!” [sic] on the front of it makes me want to watch it.

I laughed until I cried at several places. The sex scenes had me dying. When I say “gravy-flavoured condoms and velour-tracksuit sex-scenes”, if you think, “What?! I have to see that shit” then watch this movie. If you say, “Huh, you think that's funny?” Then why the fuck are you reading this blog, again?

Of course it's full of bad bad bad puns, from the killer turkey and the teens who are supposed to save themselves from it. There's even the absolutely necessary naked Pilgrim-lady at the beginning, because everyone knows a horror movie without boobs is not a good horror flick.

I hear a sequel is coming, eventually, to this one, too!

4 out of 5 Of course, I watched it on Thanksgiving, 2010, so that made it even better!

That's it for our B Movie recommendations today. Next time I get around to listing four or five for you, I'll include Zombie Women of Satan!, Dead Snow and Aaah! Zombies!!... I watch a lot of bad movies, and they are glorious!


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