Happy May 14th!
May 14th is Mother's Day this year, in the US.
While I could (and have already) wax poetic, vulgar and profane about how much I despise this holiday, how I hate that it idolizes women who have produced offspring, whether we can raise them, or even wanted them; how it ignores women who have no children-- for whatever reason-- and treats adoptive and foster parents as some how less than those of us with working uteri.
So I'm not going to do that today.
Today I'm going to celebrate the many different ways a person can be a mother... whether you're a woman, man, non-binary or genderqueer person, or any other way you identify your gender... you don't have to have a uterus or to have given birth to be a mother.
Let's celebrate the act of mothering.
To be a mother, you're giving yourself, and your love and care to a person that isn't your partner. Although, there are times we give mothering care to our partners, I am not going to talk about that right now.
To be a mother, you've given of yourself--whether you gave birth, adopted or fostered a child, or (and here's the important thing) you are raising a kid. Doesn't matter how that kid got to you, you're raising it, you're the mum.
It doesn't matter what bits you have, you can be both mum and dad-- so Happy Parents Day!
To be a mother, you've taken time out of your schedule to care for a pet, cats, dogs, hedgehogs, snakes, lizards, even hissing cockroaches. You're mothering that pet, making sure they have everything they need to grow, and to thrive! Pets need more than food and water, they need love, interaction, snuggles (well, some of them), toys and sometimes medical care. They are your kiddos, your fur-kids, and scaled-kids (or finned-kids, if you have fish).
It doesn't matter what kind of kids you have, Happy Pet Parents Day!!
To be a mother, you have to be there, every day, in the mud, the sweat, the tears, the horror, the pain and the suffering of the people you love. You open your heart, to give advice, to hear and really listen, to let your ego take a backseat when someone needs a shoulder, and to know when to lead. To mentor, and to teach, often without words.
It doesn't matter what ways you are there, Happy Mentor's Day!
To be a mother, you're often an auntie, you're the ear and the eyes, the smiles through the tears, the love that is always just quietly there. I have some of the most wonderful aunties (Hi Linda and Katie!! <3 ) and they have been there for me when I need an ear, a hug, even though we're far away. I know I can trust them implicitly.
It doesn't matter the familial or friend attachment you have, Happy Aunties' Day!
I want to be the right kind of mother. Whether it's to my actual human kids, my amazing fur-kids, or as a mentor and friend to everyone I love. I listen so hard, and try to be there, just as a sounding board, or a vent-hearer, whatever I'm needed.
I want to be the kind of friend that I have, someone I can trust and turn to when I need support, someone who loves no matter what, but won't think twice about calling me on my shit!
I want to be the sister/auntie/friend/lover/mentor/mentee that is always there. I want to celebrate the people who are there for me, in the same way.
Happy Sunday to my friends with human kids (foster, adoptive or birth kids).
Happy Sunday to my friends without human kids.
Happy Sunday to my friends with fur and fin babies!
Happy Sunday to my friends who can't have pets, at least maybe not right now.
Happy Sunday to my Aunties, and those who have acted as Aunties to me!
Happy Sunday to my Mentors, and people who have been Heroes to me over the years!
Happy Sunday to the women out there who are Mum and Dad, every goddamned day of the year-- you're amazing!
Happy Sunday to the women out there who are Dad and Mum, every goddamned day of the year--
you're amazing, too!
Happy Sunday to foster parents of animals! You're heroes and lifesavers!
Happy Sunday to people who love, without reservation, who care, no matter what!
And finally, but not least of all:
Happy Mother's Memory Day, to all of my beloved friends and families who don't have a mum.
Maybe she's passed away; I'm sure you miss her every day, and I want to send you a hug, all the love, and let you know that I love you so much!
Maybe she's out of your life, and it's for the best. Not all of us humans who give birth are good parents, and you don't have to apologise for not having a relationship with someone who isn't good for you. I love you all, too! You deserve love, without conditions, and without abuse.
Someday we'll all realise we're mothers, every day of the year. Every single person who cares for another is a mother, (or a dad, if you prefer to be all gendered about it :) )
Save a little of that mothering love for yourself... you deserve it!