RedHead Confetti

 CW: Discussion about: domestic violence against children (perpetrated by parents/care givers) and domestic violence by a teen against an adult (against the parent/caregiver); some mental health discussion, and self-denigration and degradation.  If you are triggered by these things, read with caution or skip this one. Hello my beautiful readers, who haven't meandered off with pandemic shock. I'm still alive, and I hope you're all ok. Writing has been hard, and most of the writing I've been doing this past year is journaling. I'm hoping to write more, and am making time for it now. This one took a long time. If you, or someone you know is being abused, there is help! The Domestic Violence Hotline:   800.799.SAFE (7233) RAINN (Rape, Abuse, Incest National Network) : 1.800.656.4673 NCADV (National Coalition Against Domestic Violence) : They have a huge reference list! Now to the blog: I’ve been thinking a lot lately—over the past year or so, about the abuse I went thro...

TW: Some talk of domestic violence from parents, and death threats. If you're in a place where the passing mention of this kind of abuse would cause you harm, please skip this one, and go look at kittens on the internet until you feel better! Kittens help that, a lot! If you're being abused, please, please know you're not alone! Please reach out, and get help. You can even email me, and I'll try to research local stuff to help you where you are, if you can't do that safely. Call the police, make a report, speak with your college (or even high school) counselors.  You Fucking Matter! Don't let anyone tell you otherwise! I'm reminded of that old joke: two spouses are arguing, about what depends on the joke teller. Finally one says, exasperated, "I was just giving you my opinion!" The other says, "Well, if I want your opinion, I'll give it to you!" This has been kicking around in my head for about four weeks; I promise the blog t...

Trigger Warning: This blog deals with depression and Imposter Syndrome. It could be triggering for anyone who has to deal with these two things. If it would be too much for you, I urge you not to read it now, but when you're ready come back. I won't be pulling it down, so it'll be here when you're ready.   Imposter Syndrome, according to Wikipedia "is a term coined in 1978 by clinical psychologists Dr. Pauline R. Clance and Suzanne A. Imes referring to high-achieving individuals marked by an inability to internalize their accomplishments and a persistent fear of being exposed as a "fraud" .Despite external evidence of their competence, those exhibiting the syndrome remain convinced that they are frauds and do not deserve the success they have achieved. Proof of success is dismissed as luck, timing, or as a result of deceiving others into thinking they are more intelligent and competent than they believe themselves to be. Some studies suggest that im...

Trigger Warning: This blog is dark, and rambling, and angry, and hurt, and personal. It's not an accusation against my husband. I know he's not mentioned hardly at all, because this is how I feel. He is, and has been amazing through this whole thing. He also tries very hard to derail my inner peanut gallery. However, if you're depressed right now, or having a hard go of it, you may want to skip this one. I don't want to spiral you down. We'll make it out, right? And everything will be OK. I'm sitting here, on the verge of a depressive episode. I say this, not for sympathy, but for perspective. I know that I, and only I, can get out of, through or avoid an episode. It's not up to anyone else to help me, and really, no one can. It's an internal struggle that no one sees, no one can cheer you on, navigate the short route through, or even lend a hand. It's always been this way, for me... and always will be. I accept this struggle, as part of living;...