RedHead Confetti

I hope 2013 is full of joy. I hope this new year fulfills your expectations I hope you grow, evolve and change into the person you want to be I hope your spirit soars with knowledge and beauty I hope you feel blessed, and I hope you always feel thankful. Thank you, for a beautiful year. I'm looking forward to everything 2013 brings us.

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, probably over the past six months or so, actually. Thinking about religious thought, philosophy and the nature of everything. Really, it's a mini-religious crisis, much like the one I had at 15 or so when I started really reading that bible everyone swore told me the answer to everything, and yet it told me the opposite of everything I'd been taught. This time is different, I'll admit, but not by much. I have thought this in circles, spoke to my partner about it, and now I'm going to meander my way through these thoughts and see where I come out. Well, I guess I already know where it's coming out, but I'm curious to see if it ever makes more sense. I've been Pagan for many years, almost twenty, actually. In that time I've often thought of the God and Goddess as personification of the creative power, and in many ways, the universe itself, rather than persons. I felt that as humans we can't even wrap ou...

Today me daughter is thirteen. Normally I'd write a lovingly crafted blog, telling the great things about the person I'm wishing for. Due to family circumstances I can't do that; she has made some very bad choices over the past year, culminating in a three day suspension and other things I'd rather not discuss at this time. I have literally postponed her birthday. I told her if she continued on this path I'd take it from her, and I have done so-- she will get cake and ice cream some time later. When she stops stealing from me and her brothers, amongst other things, I will be more than happy to celebrate the day with the make-over I promised her four years ago. My beautiful, smart, funny daughter is 13, and I can't even celebrate that with you. I can't tell you how much I love her, and how much this is tearing me apart. There just aren't words. I can't explain how disappointing it is, to see your kid, who you love, do this shit, and know you...

Rather than the planned blog, I'm just going to share this photo and say that I am so sorry. I know words don't mean shit. I know I can't undo, fix, or make any of it better. I know I am lucky, and I am thankful for that, every day. I also know that I'm devastated and cry with the families in Newtown, Connecticut. If I could, I'd undo last Friday in an instant-- and I know I'm not alone. I wish we didn't have these conversations. I wish this sort of thing was a plot line of a horror movie, or a best-selling thriller novel. the fact that school massacres happen in the US is unconscionable. I know words fail. I wish they healed instead. I wish I had more words. I'm just so, so sorry Photo from the HRC you can see it at www.hrc.org

I've been away, first in November, because I was attempting to write a slapstick comedy novel. It didn't work out very well. While I tend to enjoy it-- think "Three Stooges"-- I can't write it. So I said, "Fuck it!' and figured I'd give NaNo a try next year. Then I got the brilliant idea to write a Shadowrun inspired novel. I wrote about this a bit the other day. When I had more writing time, I have to admit I just haven't felt like it. It isn't that I have nothing to say, it more that I'm not sure I wanted to write it, aloud, as it were. Some times thoughts are better only in the mind, and not spoken or written aloud. Then I thought why not, I mean, this is my blog, and I have, what three, four, readers?-- if you all haven't gotten bored and wandered off to other more green pastures of the interwebz... and I wouldn't blame you one bit. See, it's Yuletide, Christmas time, the Holiday season. I fucking hate this time of ...

OK, so I didn't get my fifty-thousand words, but I did get 47k, and the story is told, so as far as I'm concerned, I win! This is two Novembers in a row that I busted my ass to write, and I feel really good about it. This gives me a lot to think about, however, as I know I can take that mtoivation for a word count and turn it into the novel I have that's perpetually unfinished-- and getting longer and longer and longer! Now about my novella: It was supposed to be a comedy, but it turns out I can't write slapstick. So I restarted about the 10th, and write a Shadowrun inspired story. See, I used to run that game-- that means I was the "Dungeon Master" for our gaming group when we played Shadowrun. I always loved the world setting, and that game is fan-fucking-tastic! One of the story arcs I created morphed into this novella. There are a lot of changes, as I reworked it off the outline, as oppoed to what my players did. I can't remember now what they decid...